First Experience hearing Gurbani

I studied a great deal about sikhism for almost a year before I began to look at Gurbani words beyond a few I had run across.

It was around ten months after the vision that made me become a regular at the Sikh Gurdwara that I decided I would begin to learn how to read Gurmukhi myself. One reason for this is that I had learned that the Sikhs believe that even making the sounds of the Gurbani words can transform a person. It is said to stimulate meridians in the roof of the mouth, and these subsequently activate hormonal secretion by the hypothalamus and pituitary glands. That was explained by Yogi Bhajan and I read it in lectures of his that are posted online at www.sikhnet.com. On a less scientific level it is said that even just hearing Gurbani has the power to change a person.

Now I have to say, with my scientific background, this would have sounded like nonsense to me, and to my Western mind it still "sounds" like metaphysical nonsense. But my experiences have taken me beyond what I can understand with science or Western thinking. And I believe my experiences most of all. These things would seem like nonsense to me, if not for the fact that the very first exposure I had to Gurbani had set me to tears of joy immediately. My first words as the music began and my tears began to flow, were "This music is about happiness that I have never known in this lifetime on this Earth." Then within minutes, the Gurbani chanting brought great bliss to me. By the third chant, a great compassion for the suffering of others - even people who were very difficult to be around - had been unleashed inside me, and that never did go away. All of that happened during a massage March 23, 2004. It was that sudden change in me produced just by hearing Snatam Kaur's "Shanti" CD during that massage that led me to go to the Sikh Gurdwara, for when I went to buy that CD I was told that Snatam Kaur lived here in Eugene, which shocked and thrilled and scared me, and I wanted to talk to her about what had happened to me. Such remarkable changes had never happened to me in my life before this time and while I was happier than ever, I was also very mystified about it, and frankly felt beside myself. My best friends were mystified too, since none of us were practicing any religious paths until this happened to me, and suddenly I seemed to be a quite different person in some ways.

. Months later as I studied everything I could find about such things, I came to the conclusion that hearing the Shanti CD had opened my heart chakra. As I expressed it to Snatam one time a year later, the Gurbani Chanting on her Shanti CD had "blasted open my heart chakra." Snatam smiled when I said that to her.

First Gurbani Words

The first time I paid any attention or had any real curiosity about any Gurbani words was when I went to the sikh Gurdwara for the first time and listened to Snatam Kaur take a random reading from the Sikh's most sacred book, "The Guru" (Siri Guru Granth Sahib). This was on April 15, 2004, and was actually a few days before the life-changing "vision" which I mentioned as the explanation for my choice of blog title. Such a random reading from the Sikh "Guru" is called a "Hukam" which means Divine Will or command. A Hukam can be interpretted as guidance for the day or as a key to understanding current events in one's life, an answer to a question in one's mind, or simply as inspiration for the day. Of course, I did not know what a Hukam was at that time, I had merely been invited to go into the Guru's room with Snatam Kaur and Guru Hari Singh for a short "ceremony."

Snatam took the Hukam in the way that is standard for those who can read Gurmukhi script; reading first the Gurmukhi and then following that with the English translation which is also written in some versions of the Guru. A number of phrases in the English translation of my first Hukam struck me intensely right away. Even the first words of that Hukam, "My eyes are wet with the nectar of the Lord" described the blissful and teary-eyed experiences I had been having while listening to sikh chanting during the previous month.

But there was another line that especially caught my attention; "Those who die while yet alive, are said to be Jeevan Mukhta" (depending on the translation - another version says "He who can experience death while still alive is known as Jeevan Mukhta.")

Since I had already been wondering about the possibility of my death being imminent because of other visions a month before, this sentence really sounded ominous to me.

The Gurmukhi for this line looks like this; (For those of you familiar with Gurmukhi, I took this version from Aasa Di Vaar instead of from the precise place the Hukam is found in the Guru - because the latter might have taken me a while to locate).

jIvn mukiq so AwkIAih mir

jIvY mrIAw

So the words "Jeevan Mukhta"

jIvn mKqw

became a very early object of my study because I wanted to understand what this Sikh "Guru" was saying about life and death. With a lot of study over some months, if not a full year, - (while going through many many other topics as well), I came to understand that becoming Jeevan Mukhta is one way of describing a Sikhs goal in life. One way to describe the kind of death being spoken of here is to call it an "ego death." This phrase is a little more common in the West. The Sikh's mean death to all attachments, death to all attachment to human desires. This does not mean taking no pleasures in life, but it means to not seek pleasures and not to expend effort to attain one's desires, and to not try to sustain or maintain whatever pleasures might come one's way. This then comes to much the same thing as what is meant by the title of my blog: "man jeetai jag jeet" - conquer your mind to conquer the challenges of this life.

This understanding of Jeevan Mukta also gave me a way of understanding the message of my "big vision" a different way. Rather than taking "Say goodbye to all you know and love" to mean I was going to die, it could mean to learn to practice detachment and thus change entirely the way you live life; say goodbye to a life of secular interests and desires. This made sense to me and it was consistant with another aspect of my life following that vision. After that vision I found myself satiated by just meditating and listening to Gurbani chanting. I found that I had very little desire to go looking for entertainment or things to do "for fun." Friends even had trouble talking me into going to the coast for a day trip. I was already happy just being immersed in my studies and meditation practice.

Why this blog title?

Why did I choose the expression I did for the title of this blog? The answer to that will be made more clear here and there over time in this blog; for a series of events were and had been happening in my life at the time when I encountered first encountered this expression. I first heard it in the midst of what I call "my big vision," or "Dialogue with God." in April 2004. I would say that, more than any other one single thing, it was that vision which led me into the deep immersion into Sikhism that has become the core of my daily life for over three years now. I will most likely tell the whole story of that vision and events preceding and following it at some point, if it seems that it might serve to inspire someone, but for now, I will simply say that it was more of an "auditory" vision than a visual one. It happened while home alone doing the Salutation to the Sun (Hatha Yoga) and listening to Sikh Kirtan (Devotional Chanting) on a CD named "Prem" by Snatam Kaur. (Prem means love). The third chant on that CD began to play. That chant is called;

"Awdys iqsY Awdys"

"Aadays Tisai Aadays" would be the transliteration for these words. This and the entire chant is sung in Gurbani so at that time I had no idea what the words meant. In a later post I will go into a lot of detail about all the words of this chant and even about the "power" this particular stanza of JapJi is said to have. But at the time I am speaking of, the combination of the music, the chords, the chord progressions, and sound of the Gurbani, "spoke" to me very clearly. It's not like I heard a voice, yet a meaning simply came clearly into my mind. The message I heard in my mind as the introduction to this chant was playing, was, "Say goodbye to everything you know and love and come." I will probably tell the story in more detail some other time when there is more context for it already in place. There was another phrase which I also "heard" and this was while the phrase "Man Jeetai Jag Jeet" (my blog title) was being sung. The chords and this phrase seemed to say to me "This will be sweeter than anything you have ever known." I felt such an intense wave of bliss and sweetness in that very moment, as this promise was given, that I surrendered myself completely to this "request" that I enter upon this spiritual journey. While in ecstacy, I bowed my head to the ground and said, "Then take me, and do what you will with me."

Oh, I might mention that the title of that track, "Aadays tisai aadays" means "I bow and give salutations to you." It is ironic that it was when that line was sung that I had bowed myself prostrate to the ground.

This became quite a turning point in my life, for while I had already had a few transformative experiences which had also emerged while listening to sikh kirtan or hearing Gurbani read aloud; after the "message" of this vision, I felt my life was no longer mine, but was now to be some kind of spiritual journey. (There are other reasons for my seeing it that way - but again - I will talk about that later). Actually, at that time, for a variety of reasons, I did not even think I was going to live for more than a few months, and at first I thought this message about saying goodbye to everything I knew and loved meant that my death was imminent. Having agreed to follow the bidding of this "vision-message," I began going to the Sikh Gurdwara twice a week at 5:30am to hear kirtan and a reading from the Sikh's most sacred book, called the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, or just "the Guru" for short. One month later I realized I was in a position to retire from my job. I had not planned to retire for three more years, but mostly because of the message of this vision I made the decision to retire in a mere two weeks time. I felt I had to devote myself to this spiritual journey that I felt I had been called to make.

If all this sounds pretty crazy and extreme, trust me, this all seemed pretty crazy to me too. I still have moments from time to time, even now three years later, when I wonder what it all really meant, and why all this happened.